The Last Day Or So...

Over the last day or so, I have realized a few things:

 Number 1: 'Table For 3' is a very strange movie. I spent half the movie wondering if the main character's roommates were real or not. I also realized that his roommates (two), consistently throughout the movie, were, by themselves, for conversations normally had by the entire main cast (five) of 'How I Met Your Mother'. It was very bizarre. The roommates were a couple, the guy managed to account for Ted, Marshall, and Barney while the girl accounted for Robin and Lily. And not even in just what was being said but in their mannerisms. Also, the  actor playing the main character (the guy from the latest Superman movie) is Tom Cruise Jr. Not literally, but his voice, his looks, and his mannerisms are exactly what you expect when you see Tom Cruise in a movie. Through me off so much.

Number 2: Song of the month is 'Puppets' by Atmosphere. I love the piano in this song and the lyrics kind of remind me of my life (like most songs I like). It reflects on, and reminds me, of the fact that most of the people I meet are not of any real consequence in my life and what they think of me should mean nothing. And yet, as I write this, I think to myself that this is horse-hockey because every person that we come in contact with affect our lives in one way or another. It may be in a larger way such as being someone that we choose to spend our time with, thus affecting the decisions we make on where to be and what to do, or it could just be a single conversation with a person that brings up an idea, or point of view, that we had not considered before. Even this can have a great affect on our lives because it is through changing our thought process that we change ourselves. (By the way, this paragraph is a great example of how my mind can take one thing and go so much further than intended.)

Number 3: Work is work and you're never going to like all the people there all the time. I try to give people as many chances as I can, but today I got frustrated. Actually, the last two days I've gotten frustrated. But I realized, once I was the only person behind the line, that they probably have the same reaction towards me. The people I work with, that I consider myself to be cool with, are just as likely to have moments where they are frustrated with me as I am to be frustrated with them. I know I'm not perfect, and I guess I'm a little hypocritical when I expect consistency out of others when I can't even be consistent myself. I can blame it on my wandering mind as much as I want, but until I am consistently consistent, I should not expect everyone around me to be consistent. Also, work seems to be the place that, at least at the moment, I have the most insecurities. I find myself worrying that I don't carry my own weight or that I'm screwing up. I also find myself trying to compete with people who have far more experience behind the line than I do, which probably isn't fair to myself or fair to them.

Number 4: I have a tendency to rate myself against others based more on what I could be than what I am at the moment. I could be, or could have been, one of those people who charged through high school and college without looking back at the people of my own generation whom I had left behind. Instead, apparently at a very young age, I chose to remain with my friends and not progress as quickly as I may have. I think that I rate myself thusly because I am ashamed of my inability to progress through the world as quickly as I could have. I seem to be trying to make up for my short-comings by saying that I COULD have been better. All I'm doing by showing my hand of my own weakness.

Resolutions of the Day: Try worry less about the world around me. Try to make fewer excuses for my short-comings and take more responsibility. Try to push myself to finish something soon. Tomorrow I plan to go up to work early and try to get some writing done up there. Occasionally I find myself in a mood where I think I could get a lot done up there.


P.S. I failed in my goal of five pages the other night. But I think I'm doing alright, I just need to keep at it. I haven't lost interest in this story yet.